🌦️

on names, maybe

i really like names. the things people call themselves. these-these wonderous groups of syllables traded; swapped; created out of thin air, some thoughts, and a whole lot of self.

shorten them, lengthen them, throw the whole collection of letters away and start anew. co-opt a word! move through and around and relax within. change them if you please! regularly if you like. maybe even swap back, forth, and back again.

here's a thing. posted originally here (dead link), but in a different form. i was playing a game once and saw them. we talked about their name, briefly, for the five or so minutes we had.

click the coloured bits
to reveal more text

i know i'm very strange; i get excited when people are nice and neat and cool and talk to me when i play games such as these. your name is just very nice.

we all know i have a softspot for short-and-abstract and english-word names. yours happens to tickle me.

How short can a poem be? A sentence, a word, perhaps a letter? maybe it can be a carefully placed space, floating there, meaning. we now know, though, that there's a two letter contender. it's e., see.

could it be euler's number? possibly! estrogen? could be! maybe even nothing. a letter most common. everything. “anything”, you said, “eye of the beholder”.

i'm a lot, don't worry, i know. but your name, those two letters. they've taken me. e. you asked me! “what does it mean to you”. well, for the time being, and likely a little more—until this memory slips by lost to the hazy abyss of those forgotten—it means you.

(and something more personal in the same presentation style)

most people know me by a name that the government does not. not the one that was given to me.

they call me genny, short for Genevieve.

it was given to me, accidentally, by a now-good friend. genny first, and then Genevieve. But it's not a given name. More offered and accepted. I like it—that's why I use it!—but it's not perfect I don't think. Not perfectly me I mean.

I have a brain-disconnect. Between my body and my mind. And I like a lot of names, some maybe even more than genny, but I don't think I can wear them. Not openly and feel good about it. Names like

Amelia

Medley

Inann

Which sounds beautiful but I would be terrified to wear. What if someone saw me wearing it? They'd say it's not mine. They'd know it's stolen. It can't possibly be mine. How can a name such as that belong to someone that looks so

unfitting

undeserving

someone so me.

notes

this page was originally 🌦.html, but the links were showing up url encoded in discord and elsewhere and, for some reason, firefox mobile was just not rendering the sun-storm rain cloud.

so now it's the double-underscore. which i think, "yeah, that might be better". if i go and overanalyze it- (well don't do do that). why not? anyway, if we analyze it maybe too much we can say it's a metaphor for my lack of solid identity and desire to flip-flop between names a lot. "fill in name here". (that's dumb). hey, leave me alone, me. let me have fun.

i never do explain the emoji do i? i just like it. i use it in name fields a lot. the current canon is that rain is my middle name. it's so unassuming, the sun-rain. there are no expectations. just, maybe, that they're a little weird. or something.